


Payback's a Bitch

by Sweetsyren



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-01
Updated: 2011-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-24 10:50:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetsyren/pseuds/Sweetsyren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>War is hell. Especially prank wars. SPOILER WARNING! S05 E08</p>
            </blockquote>





	Payback's a Bitch

Payback's a Bitch

"What the hell? Son of a-! GABRIEL!"

Sam sighed and shut his book. He cast a look at the archangel slouched low in a chair across from him.

"How long is this gonna go on for?" Sam asked running a hand over his face wearily.

Gabriel shrugged. "Until it stops being hilarious or your idiot brother admits defeat. Whichever happens sooner."

The door to the bathroom slammed open. Sam turned in his chair to assess the damage and instantly wished he hadn't. He rolled his eyes at Gabriel who grinned wickedly back at him.

"You!" Dean strode forward, the towel around his waist gripped tightly in a white knuckled hand and the other pointing viciously at the archangel. "This is so not funny."

Gabriel stood slowly and walked around the little kitchen table to stand beside Sam's chair. He leant back and crossed his arms over his chest, examining Dean with a serious expression.

"I think you'll find," Gabriel said finally. "That it's actually very funny."

Dean crossed his arms and tossed his newly acquired waist length bottle-blonde hair over his shoulder. The poker face that Sam had been perfecting over the last few weeks slipped quickly into place. Gabriel just grinned broadly, evidently proud of his handiwork.

"Fix it right now or I swear you're gonna be taking a bath in holy oil." Dean growled.

Gabriel opened his mouth to shoot an undoubtedly sarcastic comment back but was interrupted by Castiel, who chose that moment to appear in the space exactly halfway between Dean and Gabriel. He looked around him and did a double take when his eyes landed on the eldest Winchester.

"Wha-" Castiel started to say but he was interrupted.

"Hey Cas. Guess what? Your brothers a dick," Dean stated matter-of-factly, glaring at Gabriel.

The archangel smirked in the face of Dean's frustrated fury. "Hey little bro. Guess what? Your boyfriend's a girl."

Dean drew a deep breath for his retort and Sam rolled his eyes. This was going to be one of the long ones. He got out of his chair and moved out of the line of fire, casting a sympathetic look at Castiel and grabbing a beer from the little fridge as he passed. Settling cross-legged on one of the beds, he sat back to watch the fireworks.

It had started innocently enough. There had been a witch and some missing children. When their research had come to nothing, Sam had asked Castiel to see if Gabriel knew anything about her. Castiel had disappeared and then reappeared with Gabriel in tow, offering his help.

Of course that help had consisted of turning Dean and Sam into eight year olds.

In fairness to Gabriel, it had been a pretty good plan. Sam and Dean got themselves abducted and into the witch's lair where they killed the witch and rescued the missing kids.

But the happy ending hadn't mattered to Dean who had been decidedly unimpressed with the archangel's finger-snapping antics and complained loudly and frequently to Sam, Castiel and even inanimate objects whenever Gabriel was in earshot.

To teach him a lesson, Gabriel changed Sam back to normal and then disappeared leaving Dean trapped in an eight year old body for a week.

When Dean woke up back to normal on the seventh day, Sam had watched as his brother's jaw set in the way that meant that payback was going to be a bitch.

And his brother could be pretty inventive when he put his mind to it.

In retaliation for being kidified, he enlisted Castiel's help and Castiel, being innocent of Deans pranking ways, had taken him at his word when he said he was just testing out a theory.

Which was how Gabriel ended up in an angelic-escape-proof room with a portable stereo surrounded by burning holy oil.

A stereo that played the Crazy Frog song.

On repeat.

It took two days for the batteries to die.

Sam winced at the memory of the look on Gabriel's face when they let him out.

After that it all went rapidly downhill.

Gabriel started to show up whenever he felt like it, taking every opportunity to get under Deans skin. And Dean, despite the fact that Gabriel had been the Trickster for millennia, just wouldn't give in.

The problem wasn't that Dean couldn't keep up with Gabriel. Even without Castiel's angelic assistance (after the Crazy Frog debacle Castiel refused to get caught in the middle) Sam had been secretly impressed with the array of retaliatory strikes his brother had been able to land on the archangel. The avalanche thing in particular had been pretty impressive even if it had used up their entire supply of squibs.

No, the problem was that Gabriel wasn't bound by the same rules as Dean.

Rules like the laws of physics, for instance.

There had been the week in which Dean woke up every morning to find himself three feet above and to the side of his bed. After the third day, Sam had been forced to tie his brother to the bed which was an experience he would rather forget.

Then there was the clothes thing when everything Dean owned turned into a string vest and a pair of leather chaps as soon as he put it on. Sam had gotten his own room after the second outfit leaving Castiel to keep Dean company until the spell wore off.

Now that he thought about it, the angel hadn't seemed to mind that particular incident.

Quickly trying to derail the train of thought that had started trundling though his brain, Sam looked over at the argument now in full swing.

Dean was getting more and more exasperated and Gabriel was just endlessly amused while Castiel was stuck in the middle trying to play peacemaker. By the looks of things he was not being very successful.

"Gabriel, please undo it." Castiel's gruff voice was quiet but insistent.

The archangel made a snorting noise. "No way. It'll wear off eventually. Maybe. Anyway he looks good as a blonde. And-" he paused as a thought appeared to strike him. "Oh hey Dean, did you use the motel soap?"

Dean fumed silently which was all the confirmation Gabriel needed.

"You might wanna pull that towel up a bit higher," he said waggling his eyebrows indecently. "Say around chest height. You're about to find yourself well endowed."

Dean's face flickered through a myriad of emotions before landing on horrified as he looked down at himself. He quickly drew the towel up over his changing body. Apparently what Gabriel lacked in subtly he made up for in quantity and Dean struggled to make the now woefully inadequate towel cover everything.

Sam blinked at the scene before him and couldn't help the loud bark of laughter that escaped him.

Silence reigned in its wake.

In that silence his brother and both the angels turned to look at him.

"Somethin' to say, Sammy?" Dean said coldly shifting the towel higher.

Sam tried in vain to fight down the tide of laughter bubbling up in his chest. "No. Nothing. Nothing at all!" he managed before a fit of giggles struck him dumb.

Castiel looked from Dean to Gabriel.

"Sam..." he warned taking a step back.

The prank war had been going strong for weeks on end and Sam had been careful not to laugh at anything he saw, walking the treacherously thin line between his brother and the archangel. But now something had snapped inside him and he couldn't stop himself. The dam had broken and weeks of pent up amusement came flooding out of him.

Sam's vision blurred as his eyes filled with tears. "You've got boobs and you look so scared of them!" he cackled, pointing at Dean. "It's such a lame prank but you…" he descended into hysterics again. "You're acting like such a girl!"

Gabriel and Dean looked at each other. There was a moment of silent communication of the sort that only occurs between elder siblings after which Gabriel nodded and snapped his fingers. The archangel and a restored Dean stalked closer to the bed. If Sam had been able to see through the tears he would have seen Castiel raising his eyes to the heavens.

"I'm acting like a girl?" Dean asked quietly.

Gabriel folded his arms across his chest, eyebrows somewhere in the region of his hairline. "'Lame prank'," he shook his head sadly. "Oh Samuel."

Sam froze as some ancient self-preservation instinct kicked in. The laughter died in Sam's throat leaving him wet-cheeked and panting as he stared up at the two men standing in sudden, stony silence in front of him.

Sam swallowed hard.

"Crap."

Fin.


End file.
